like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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