Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
