she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
