I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
