Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
