I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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