I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
