I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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