how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
