Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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