I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
