Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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