Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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