I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
