i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
