Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
