My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
