Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
