i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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