And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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