apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
