allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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