I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
