beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
