conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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