I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
