So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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