she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think people are normalizing furries
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
