Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
