There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
