i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
