Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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