3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
