After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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