I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
