i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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