Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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