Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
