I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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