Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
