Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
