Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
