just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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