I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
