Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
