well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
