There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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