Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
