So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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