I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
