Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
