All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
