Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
