I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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