I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
